The Small Victory
Well, today was a day with a victory. Be it a small one, but be it a victory nonetheless. A number of years ago I started a blog where I was going to review a movie a day. It was something that was born out of my anxiety and was a tool to keep me active and doing something. It started out well, but after about two months I started missing a day here or there, and then would eventually go weeks or months with nothing posted.
Part of the reason for this is because of the anxiety. On some days, just the actions of sitting down at the keyboard to pound something out was difficult to do. I can get anxious about having things to accomplish, and, at times, the blog added to that. It would cause anxiety, which would cause procrastination, which in turn would cause feeling defeat, which, of course, would cause more anxiety.
It was a vicious little cycle that came about. I think a number of people can relate to the anxiety that can come along with accomplishing a task and how that causes it to be put off for as long as possible. For me it can be as simple as retrieving the mail. For some silly little reason, the mail always brings about some form of anxiety, possibly because that's how the bills get sent. Speaking of bills, I haven't paid Bell the full amount owing. Why? Not sure. I'm going to take a pause from this and get that done right now.
Okay, that is now taken care of. Back to the movie blog...
It was something that was created to go alongside a weekly podcast that I co-host on movies. Since I was reviewing them for the podcast anyways, it made sense to write them down and talk about them online. After being only sporadically used over the past few years, I felt as though I made a breakthrough with it about two months ago. I was posting regularly again, and it felt good.
And then, enter the anxiety.
The blog is now a bit of a wasteland with very few posts as of late, but today I was able to tackle the anxiety head on and get something posted. It was a small goal that has been eluding me for the past number of days, and today I smacked it. I'm not saying that what I wrote is worthwhile reading material, but the fact that I didn't pay attention to the anxiety is the key.
There are times when I am able to battle through the anxiety and just get stuff done. This usually comes with appointments that are etched in stone. I have anxiety about them, but I am able to just put my head down and power through. With those sorts of things, however, there is usually not a feeling of accomplishment that comes along with it.
Today is different. Today I have that feeling of accomplishment, and I am going to celebrate with left-over tuna casserole and a ginger ale. It is the last ginger ale in the fridge, so it means that I have to lug my lazy butt out to the store and get some more at some point. That's something to get anxious about another time. For now, I am just going to be happy with the fact that I knocked something off the list that has been hounding me for a while.
Part of the reason for this is because of the anxiety. On some days, just the actions of sitting down at the keyboard to pound something out was difficult to do. I can get anxious about having things to accomplish, and, at times, the blog added to that. It would cause anxiety, which would cause procrastination, which in turn would cause feeling defeat, which, of course, would cause more anxiety.
It was a vicious little cycle that came about. I think a number of people can relate to the anxiety that can come along with accomplishing a task and how that causes it to be put off for as long as possible. For me it can be as simple as retrieving the mail. For some silly little reason, the mail always brings about some form of anxiety, possibly because that's how the bills get sent. Speaking of bills, I haven't paid Bell the full amount owing. Why? Not sure. I'm going to take a pause from this and get that done right now.
Okay, that is now taken care of. Back to the movie blog...
It was something that was created to go alongside a weekly podcast that I co-host on movies. Since I was reviewing them for the podcast anyways, it made sense to write them down and talk about them online. After being only sporadically used over the past few years, I felt as though I made a breakthrough with it about two months ago. I was posting regularly again, and it felt good.
And then, enter the anxiety.
The blog is now a bit of a wasteland with very few posts as of late, but today I was able to tackle the anxiety head on and get something posted. It was a small goal that has been eluding me for the past number of days, and today I smacked it. I'm not saying that what I wrote is worthwhile reading material, but the fact that I didn't pay attention to the anxiety is the key.
There are times when I am able to battle through the anxiety and just get stuff done. This usually comes with appointments that are etched in stone. I have anxiety about them, but I am able to just put my head down and power through. With those sorts of things, however, there is usually not a feeling of accomplishment that comes along with it.
Today is different. Today I have that feeling of accomplishment, and I am going to celebrate with left-over tuna casserole and a ginger ale. It is the last ginger ale in the fridge, so it means that I have to lug my lazy butt out to the store and get some more at some point. That's something to get anxious about another time. For now, I am just going to be happy with the fact that I knocked something off the list that has been hounding me for a while.
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